Finding Purpose and Meaning (in Your Later Years)

Every once in a while, I’ll get contacted by someone who is approaching retirement age and is curious about whether I can help them determine how to live in their next chapter. “Yes”, I respond, “I’ve helped quite a few people discern what will make that part of their lives the most rewarding.” What to do in our retirement years is a theme that fits very well within the guiding idea behind all of my work - Who you are should determine what you do in life.

 Recently my wife and I have been having “retirement conversations” with each other. (I enjoy my work, and it’s quite likely that one day I may keel over dead in a career coaching conversation at Panera Bread, but aging steals your stamina - no matter what the supplement ads promise.) On a walk one day last week, Sloan said she’d been thinking about what she’d do with her time when she retires. Even if we had grandchildren, there are so many hours to fill in a workweek that retirement seems daunting.

 People often have misleading ideas about their work and their retirement. The first of these is the truth that our work is meant to be more than how we occupy our time (the distinction between Occupation and Vocation is huge). The second is that our retirement years aren’t simply about “spending our time”, like some weird spend-down-plan aimed at wringing out the last juice of life before our exit. The third is that our retirement years aren’t supposed to be a transition from toilsome work to a pleasurable, relaxed existence. (Toilsome work is why you go to a career coach.)

 I’ve also known quite a few men and women who are reluctant to retire because they secretly fear it will mean losing the thing they’ve used to define themselves. (At the risk of repeating my previous articles - our work is never a healthy basis for our sense-of-self.) I remember my grandfather reflecting on the number of his friends who died within a few years of their retirement because they felt they had no place in the world if they weren’t working. And gardening, woodworking, circle groups and bible studies, participation in civic organizations, physical activities, and the like are insufficient sources for the things that make life worthwhile.

 Regardless of your age, a person’s life needs to be infused with a sense of purpose and meaning, and your life in your later years is no exception.

 One of my often-quoted favorite thinkers, Victor Frankl, came to this realization while surviving five Nazi death camps in World War II. He concluded that, barring execution by their captors, the people who survived the longest in the camps were those who found a sense of purpose and meaning in their captivity. Later he proposed that purpose and meaning are so foundational to our emotional health that humans only pursue pleasure and entertainment when they lack purpose and meaning.

 So, how do we find or build purpose and meaning into our lives?

 In some ways aging is a gift to us. (Not the aches and pains, difficulties, and trials of course, though even those often bring their own epiphanies.) But aging does teach us that much we value and strive for in our youth will need repair or replacement and may not be the best investment of our time and resources. People, however, are places we can invest our time (and money) and know we will make a lasting impact.

 Based on Victor Frankl’s ideas, our retirement years have as much opportunity, if not more, for a purposeful and meaningful life. Rather than focusing on how to entertain ourselves, our latter years should be marked by intentional efforts to give away that which we have been given. It’s in being others-focused and giving ourselves away that we find purpose and meaning.

 Writer John Elderedge proposed that our later years should be marked by a pattern of sharing our accumulated wisdom and knowledge with younger people as mentors and “sages”. While our society shamelessly promotes the notion that only youth and beauty are valuable, my experience is that many (or most) young people appreciate the perspective of an older, wiser person who isn’t their parent, especially if that person also conveys unconditional love and acceptance.  

Practical skills and hands-on service are always welcome but perhaps not as valuable as the knowledge and life wisdom age provides. This means that even older persons with impairments that interfere with physically active volunteer service still have much to contribute by sharing things we may take for granted. In places like Knoxville and east Tennessee, with our abundance of non-profit organizations serving a broad diversity of needs, there are so many places and ways for a person to serve an underserved person.

 Each of us has been gifted with abilities, strengths, and unique life stories. The real challenge is to determine to-whom or to-what in your community would yours be an asset? When planning your retirement this might be the most important question to ask.